It's not our fault! They told us they fixed it!
...I ran out of gas! I got a flat tire! I didn't have change for cab fare! I
lost my tux at the cleaners! I locked my keys in the car! An old friend came
in from out of town! Someone stole my car! There was an earthquake! A terrible
flood! Locusts! IT WASN'T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD!
OK, you caught us. Well, we're not supposed to
reveal this, but here is the absolutely true story. Ahem.
Bjorn, whilst carrying out a contract in Bangalor, was kidnapped by the People's Judean Front...no, wait, it was the People's Front of Judea...yes, that was it. Anyway, he was kidnapped by them, and held captive in a juice and coffee bar in downtown Maputo where they repeatedly refused to serve him martinis. While Bjorn bravely resisted their attempts to pry the secret formula from him (using such dastardly methods as irony and even sarcasm) Sven went in search of the old gang to mount a daring rescue mission. However, the former Bandito operatives had gone into hiding to avoid the deadly forces of Secret Police of Loquaciousness, Unfriendliness and Terror (S.P.L.U.T.). Sven found El Silencio and Brian! working in Kaiyo's Bakery and Ninja Training Center in Chicago, thanks to a note he found outlining the "Friends of Grolotta". Quixote meanwhile had retreated to the wilds of Kansas, where he was posing as a schoolteacher-in-training. Golightly and Mr. Riddle, married at last, had successfully disappeared into the arctic, where they survived only by eating such horrors as Norwegian Salami and Ludefisk (it's best with lots of butter), and were forced to carry shotguns whenever they left the house in case of polar bears. Seeking former allies for additional firepower, he was unable to find Goldstein, still feared lost in Patagonia, but he was able to intercept Zrmzlina on her way back from Coober Pedy. Joined after a brief firefight with forces of S.P.L.U.T. by international assassin and clerke Nat-O, fresh from assignment in Germany, they parachuted under cover of darkness into Uzbekistan, where Sven, using his ultra super powers, disabled the guards and...
OK, OK. That is what we in the Royal Navy call:
a "lie". Now, the truth!
The truth is that shortly after Sven's last update of the site, Bjorn moved to Jakarta, Indonesia where things were largely bizarre, including exciting encounters with dysentery, earthquakes, bombings, riots, parties in Bali, intricacies of the business/IT world in Indonesia and Singapore, orangutans, and Ultimate Frisbee. Sven meanwhile was occupied with minor things like getting a law degree and getting engaged, as well as post-law school planning (other than getting married)(which requires plenty of planning in its own right). Bjorn has since returned to the US, recovered most of his health (physical, anyway), and has since been flitting from residence to residence about every three months.
No, really! I swear! That one is entirely true!
...We're lazy bastards?
Anyway, we apologize for the delay in updates.
We will endeavor to make more frequent updates in the immediate future, and
there is some small possibility of an exciting site overhaul if Bjorn can manage
to stop watching DVDs all day and get something done (not likely). In the meantime,
thanks for visiting, and we'll hopefully keep some new reviews and ratings coming.
This is of course going on the bold assumption that there is anyone who is still coming to the site. Which is operating on the bold assumption that there was anyone coming to the site in the first place. Which is operating on the bold assumption that there is in fact a site at all, and that all of this isn't just the product of a deranged imagination. But we'll proceed for now
"I'd rather be singing a good old hobbit
song myself.". This quote is from the cartoon version of Return of the
King, as spoken by Samwise during the lovely Orc tune "Where there's
a Whip, There's a Way". We have no idea if anyone got this quote, so were
sending out a big nothing to all of you listeners out there...
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